Lesson 6 - Touch and Sensual Massage
By Nisandeh and Vered Neta
No-Problem-Marriage-Counseling.Com
Hello Friends,
Sensual massage done regularly is a great and extremely effective way for enhancing physical and emotional communication in your relationship.
In this lesson we'll focus on sensual massage. In later lessons we'll deal with more erotic massage and especially genital massage for both the man and the woman.
A sensual massage can help both of you to unwind from the stresses of the day. It creates a precious opportunity for both of you to relax and enjoy each other's company.
You should create your own unique atmosphere to suite your lifestyle. Candles, wine and some relaxing music will definitely set the scene. Don't forget to turn on the answering machines, no disturbances welcomed!
Be spontaneous and offer to massage your partner.
A soothing face massage is a wonderful way, to relieve stress, anxiety and headaches.
A back, shoulder or neck massage can help alleviate muscular aches and strains.
You can really pamper your partner with a luxurious foot or hand massage.
A full body, involving caresses from head to toe, sounds even more exciting. Who knows what it may lead to?
Mmm sounds good.
Sure you can't wait for tonight's practice session.
Hold on, we are getting there!
Your massage can include a variety of strokes, from soft, relaxed touches to firm, energizing movements.
Many couples are normally too stressed or tired after work, to even think about sex.
A massage may become a prelude to a loving and sexual encounter. You are surely going to feel more relaxed and open to whatever sexual or erotic feelings that may arise.
Sensual massage will help build physical and emotional trust in you relationship, as you surrender your body to the hands of your partner. The "giver" needs to learn to respect and tune in to the needs and responses of the "receiver".
The most important element you need to remember concerning any massage is that its healing power is in the loving touch. Yes, be GENTLE AND LOVING.
Touch your partner with love and tenderness.
By opening your heart and pouring tenderness into your hands as you stroke your partner's body, you can communicate a deep nurturing sense of love and care to your partner, which will ultimately increase their feeling of physical well-being and of self-worth.
Today's Practice
Firstly, you need to set the scene.
Candles, scents, soft music and a warm room should create a nice loving atmosphere.
Then eliminate distractions.
Feed the pets, turn the answering machine
on and get rid of the kids or put them to bed.
Once you have your romantic CD playing and your lavender candles burning, have your mate lie down on their back.
Don't forget to make yourself comfortable, too. Very often the people doing the massage don't think of their own comfort. Giving a massage should be as pleasurable as receiving one!
Golden rules
- Massage should be done on a soft surface
(towel/ duvet) on the floor rather than on a bed - a bed is too "bouncy".
- Massage needs privacy so that you feel secure. If there are other people in the house, it's wise to lock the door so that neither of you fears interruption.
- Clean, warm hands are essential. Even a speck of dirt can feel like a pinprick traveling across the skin.
- Make sure your partner's skin doesn't tense at first touch by heating the massage oil so that it is warm, but not hot (try floating the bottle in the bath). Warm your hands, too. Nobody wants cold, rough and dry hands!
- Remove all jewelry that may hurt or catch, such as rings and watches.
- Always partially rub massage oil into your own hands before applying it. Never drop oil onto your partner's body because s/he will feel it as a huge shock.
- Once the body is oiled, and the massage begins, do not remove both hands at the same time until the massage is ended, not even when you need more oil.
- Try to maintain a leisurely, even rhythm as you massage - don't speed it up; keep it slow!
There's no hurry baby, so take your time!
Here are a few Massage Techniques:
Circling
This is the basic and most useful massage stroke.
- Using both hands, palms down, circle your partner's skin. Always circle away from the spine and don't circle on any bony areas.
- You can use the whole hand to circle, using either a firm or a light pressure, or you can circle with the fingertips or even with the fingernails (nails feel incredibly arousing).
- It's good to start with firm strokes and then lighten up as your partner relaxes. Always massage slowly.
The Glide
This is the most spectacular movement in any massage and is used on the back only.
- Your partner lies facedown. You sit on his/her upper thighs. Place your hand on the lowest part of your partner's bottom with palms flat and the fingers pointing toward the head.
- Lean on your hands so that the weight of your body pushes your hands up and along the back toward the head. Don't force the movement - let it take as long as necessary. When you reach the neck, bring your hands around the shoulders, down the arms and back to the lower buttocks again.
- Repeat twice.
Weighting
This massages the stress away from the lower back and is great for the spine, which takes a lot of stress from holding the body upright all day.
- Sitting to one side of your partner, place your hands on either side of the spine, just below the waistline, heel of the hand to the spine, fingers toward the floor.
- Lean heavily on your hands and allow the force of your body to move your hands apart and down toward the hips, then the ground, as slowly as possible.
- Repeat the same movement a couple of times, moving from the waist, down to the area just above the tail of the spine.
Take some time to practice these different maneuvers, until you feel comfortable with them, and your partner is "oohing" and "aahing" in ecstasy. Then change over and let your partner practice on you.
In the coming paragraphs we'll describe a simple, blissful massage session.
We suggest that one partner does the massage session today. Change roles tomorrow or the day after.
After receiving this massage, the last thing you want to do is give a massage. You just want to relax and enjoy the feeling.
Procedure
Start at the feet.
Use a little bit of lotion or oil. You should use a good quality lotion or massage oil.
Gently start stroking the feet with your whole hand. If your partner is ticklish, work slowly and avoid working with your fingers. Instead use the palm of your hand. Work on one foot at a time.
Observe your partner's face for reactions (discomfort, giggles, relaxation) and adjust your touch accordingly.
Encourage your partner to give you some feedback ("that feels great" or "that's a little ticklish").
You should work all areas of the foot: the toes, heel, instep and sole. The heel and sole (if not squeamish) usually can take some strong pressure.
Repeat with the other foot.
After 10 minutes of massaging the feet, your partner will be somewhere between cloud nine and heaven.
Move up to the hands.
People are always surprised at how much tension is held within the small muscles of the hand.
Use broad strokes with the palm of your hand to pull on your partner's hand (like milking). Start working on the wrist and continue working toward the tip of the fingers. The palm of the hand contains some very strong muscles and can take some pressure.
Use small movements to work the fleshy portions of the palm: the base of the thumb and the center of the hand. Repeat with the other hand.
By now your partner will be very relaxed and might even be sleeping.
Focus your attention on the head area.
Most people don't like to have excessive use of oil or lotion on their face and hair, so adjust accordingly.
The face contains many thin muscles that experience a lifetime of smiling, frowning and many kinds of expressive actions.
Simple strokes along the face can be very relaxing for the recipient as well as providing a great way to express your nurturing side.
Use the outside face of your hand (not your palm) to gently apply feathering strokes along the side of the face, and along the fore head. Make your way down to the ears. Use your fingers and thumbs to gently outline the ears. Finish the massage by stroking your partner's forehead or hair.
This simple massage procedure can be as short as 15 minutes or as long as an hour. It's up to you.
Bask in the gratitude from your partner and don't expect to receive your massage until the next day.
Let them thoroughly experience the relaxation of your session.
After the massage your partner might be ready to go to sleep or they might be feeling a little amorous (another added benefit).
Have Fun!
Do you need additional guidance, support or information?
This week's suggested
reading:
Couple
Massage - The Touch of Passion by Nisandeh Neta
Next lesson
You are going to get
involved in some hot sensual play.
Sensual play can achieve
something greater and more holistic than foreplay. It can be a wholly satisfying
experience in itself, an expression of love, and a celebration of your playful,
sensual and erotic capacities...
Live
Passionately,
Nisandeh and Vered
About the instructors
Vered
has focused on relationship and communication issues as the facilitator of
workshops and individual counseling sessions with more than 22,000 people since
1990.
Nisandeh has focused on relationships, intimacy, and sexuality
issues as the facilitator of smaller workshops and individual counseling
sessions with more than 4,000 people since 1996.
They are the creators and leaders of the Life
Partnership training and Art
of Intimacy and Art
of Relating workshops.
They both write extensively for online
and print magazines around the world.
Copyright © 2003 Nisandeh & Vered Neta.
All rights reserved.
With the exception of one print copy for your own personal use, the copyrighted
material from
The
Art of Lovemaking course may not be reproduced, forwarded, or redistributed
by any means, print or electronic. This material may not be incorporated into
other programs/training.
Disclaimer: All material provided by
Nisandeh and Vered Neta is provided for educational purposes only. Keep in mind that this material is not intended to be a substitute for professional
counseling.
Contact Information
www.no-problem-marriage-counseling.com
Nisandeh and Vered Neta
Wethouder Driessenstraat 157
1107 XJ Amsterdam
The Netherlands
Phone: +31 (0) 20-691 61 22
Fax: +31 (0) 20-609 76 73
E-mail: info@no-problem-marriage-counseling.com
